The Story of Lavender & Lemon
I truly believe you can't have strength without having a central reason to be strong in the first place. I have gathered my strength for my journey by falling into many dark and vulnerable places. It is not always easy to pull yourself out of these places without a little help. I dedicate this post to one very amazing human in my life. His name is Nik. A blossoming relationship the universe gave to me at the exact moment I needed it the most, 11 days before I found the lumps in my breast. Nik is wise beyond his years (even if he doesn’t realize it yet). He is one of the most self-motivated and ambitious individuals I have ever met. He is a true gentleman at heart. He always walks beside me on the sidewalk on the side of the cars so he can stop them running over me with his entire body as the ultimate act of chivalry, I guess. I swear he is going lay his coat down in a puddle for me to walk over one of these days. He sings to me when I’m down or just because he is happy and he reads me poetry from the random books on my shelf.
I admit, I tried to push him away at times.
“It will get heavy.”
“You can go.”
He didn’t leave. He stayed. He stayed and didn’t try to fix it like most people in my life. He just let me be vulnerable by his side, over and over again. I asked him recently why he stayed…
His answer, “I thought you would love me differently”
And so the story began...
We were in my apartment. It was one of those nights I was struggling to see any light or hope. We were sitting on the couch and I broke down. All the tears, fears and heaviness that comes along with having cancer was surrounding me. Like what I imagine it would feel like to be a ghost— watching life around me move in every direction while I stood there, unable to be heard or move with it. Stuck in a place unsure of why I was there and unable to escape. Nik pulled me into his arms (nice ones I might add!) and at that moment he took me to a place dreams are made of. My place.
Read below for the amusing and sweetest conversation.
Nik: Come here.
Kelly: ~leans into those nice arms~
Nik: Close your eyes.
Kelly: ~reluctantly closes her eyes~
Nik: Picture your beach house.
Side note: Since last year I have been dreaming of buying a beach house on the Sunshine Coast of BC. An investment property that would hopefully turn into my home when I decide I'm ready to leave the city.
Kelly: ~pictures her beach house~
Nik: Tell me what you see.
Kelly: My beach house. Whitewashed and beachy coloured decor with a view of the ocean.
Side note: Lightly coloured and well...beachy. A large patio with comfy loungers, pillows and soft blankets. There are wind chimes and tons of plants. I fire pit and torches at every corner.
Nik: What do you smell? Are there any plants or flowers?
Kelly: A lemon tree.
Nik: Let's add a lavender tree in there too because I like lavender and it smells nice.
Kelly: ~opens her eyes and looks at him~ Lavender doesn't grow on trees
Nik: Well whatever...shhhhh...in this place it grows on trees. Close your eyes.
Kelly: ~smiles~ ok.
Nik: Who are you there with?
Kelly: Me. I'm alone.
Nik: I'm not there?
Kelly: Nope!
Nik: ~jokingly~ Well geez ok...
Kelly: Ok, ok. You can be my pool boy!
Sidenote: Yes apparently I'm made of money and not only have an ocean view but have a pool as well.
In hindsight, I really value that there was no one else with me. It was just me. I feel like that was a sign that I could do this. By myself. Alone. Independently. I know, I know I have many people around supporting me but I am truly alone. I don’t have children or a significant other to lean on daily. I spent so much time alone this past year and it has really allowed me to really enjoy it and most of all be ok with it. So when I say I was alone, it didn’t mean I was lonely I think it meant I was strong enough to be by myself through it all.
Nik: Ok but I'm living in the guest house
Kelly: I have a guest house?
Nik: Yep!
Kelly: Ok but you always have to be shirtless
Nik: Deal! Now just listen
Nik: Starts to make wave sounds with his mouth.
Sidenote: At first, I thought this was stupid. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and visualized those waves, that beach, me lounging on a comfy lounger and the sweet smell of lavender and lemon in perfect harmony. Sorry, the pool boy was not visible. Must have been slacking off in the guest house.
Lavender & Lemon was born with the specific direction from my dear friend Samantha. After hearing this story, she immediately said that it should be the name of my blog.
It is the place I go when I need calm.
The place of hopes and dreams.
The place that pulls me out of the darkness and into a place of strength to keep moving forward. The power of visualization! I highly recommend you all get yourself a beach house with a handsome pool boy. Samantha even sent me lavender and lemon tea. I drink it while writing and when I need the comfort and the feeling of a warm hug from a friend. If you haven't already you will start seeing your own lavender and lemon everywhere!